FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
