Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
