end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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