My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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