There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
