I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize