If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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