I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
