But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
