i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
