someone threw a dead crab at me
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The adults are the big ones right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
