I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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