Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
