Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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