A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
