so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
