K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
