It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
