How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
