Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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