when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
