Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
