Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
