My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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