How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
