How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
