i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize