): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
