I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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