New invention idea: vibrating tampons
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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