I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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