I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
