I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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