Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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