It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
