i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
