ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you didnt know i had herpes?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
