So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
