Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
