i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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