Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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