I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize