I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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