Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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