I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
