I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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