There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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