conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
