I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
