I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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