I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
