so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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