I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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