Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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