The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
