kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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