Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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