I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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