Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
