You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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