I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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